Goal Re-Evaluation (Mid-Year)

This year has taken a lot of unexpected turns. - literally me every year.

The last two months has done me a full 180 degree turn, with an unexpected job change and an unexpected trip over the Pacific (and probably dozens of other things I've already forgotten). I can barely keep track of anything without a calendar (or two!) these days. So I'm stopping to see where I'm at with the goals I set at the beginning of the year. Make sure they're still relevant and realistic, revise them if they aren't and set some new goals for the remaining 5 months of the year.

1. Complete eighteen to nineteen courses this year. 
2. Pay off a large portion of existing debt. 
3. Prep for LSAT re-write.
4. Pick up a part time job (re: Goal #2).
5. Reach 1000 IG followers. 

At a quick glance, I can see I've had a change of heart since January. I have a new stance on #3, and have all but stopped tackling #5 (for now). I came close for #1: I will have completed thirteen courses by December, but #1 is out of my hands now because the courses I need to take aren't being offered this fall term. #2 is strangely on track despite the job change (I have kept these details private ofc), and I have accomplished #4.

So I propose a new set of goals for myself for the next five months, which looks a little something like this:

1. Pay off a large portion of existing debt. -ongoing
2. Reach 1000 IG followers. -ongoing
3. Lose 15lbs (3lbs per month).
4. Use the rest of my vacation days.
5. Dedicate more time to be me-time and self-improve-time.

And of course, the daily and weekly goals to reach the bigger goals (that I won't detail here), but here goes..! #cantstopwontstop

Dear Sri Lanken grandmother on the bus today: I wish you good luck too.

The First Day of Work (Job Change)

Ah, the first day... of school, of summer camp, of work... This bizarre experience where you walk in and try to figure out what the order of things are, before you ask yourself, where do I fit into this picture? I have no shortage of education under my belt. All through elementary school, high school and all of my post secondary schooling (two colleges and one university)... every new school year, new school term even, I had to mentally prepare for the first day.

Work? Exactly the same. I walked in today and took in my surroundings, and observed the people I would now be working with for somewhere around 40 hours a week. At the end of this day, I have only three questions left. (1) Where is the sugar for my tea and coffee? (2) Who drinks the Nesquik in the kitchen anyway? (3) Why are the washrooms not on our floor? To be fair.. I still need to confirm that they aren't on our floor. But they're blatantly obvious on the twelfth floor so I can't imagine where they're hiding. That was Day 1. Phew.

Books of May and June

How Can You Defend Those People? - James Kunen

Enjoyed the writing of this one. Especially the first case re: "but your honor, she is not a prostitute." As well as the random facts, * including the one about the daffodils, and a clerical error in the name of St. Elizabeths in DC.

Devil's Defender - John Henry Browne

Loved this one. The book was thoroughly genuine, and details really interesting interactions between Mr. Browne and Ted Bundy. Recounts the Benjamin Ng case in the Wah Mee massacre, as well as Colton Harris-Moore. That one was my personal favorite. I understand the use of the Kandahar Massacre to close his story, would love to meet him someday. Mr. Browne is based in Seattle after all.

Currently:
Swarm Before Me: The Tragic Case of Becker v Pettkus - Samuel Schwisberg

Some weeks, I really have to take one day at a time.

But for those extra difficult days, I try to focus on taking it one task at a time. Write a list. Get her done. There are tasks that have to be done today. Tasks with deadlines: that form that needs to be submitted today, that application due today, that bill that will be overdue after today, that bill that is already overdue today.

And some tasks are those that should be done today. I struggle to let go of those things that I wanted to get done today, to let go of the mental frustration that my to do list is not empty and checked off by the end of the day. This? You really need to let go of this negativity towards yourself for things you didn't do today, and re-task them for tomorrow. Because everything else you needed to do today, is done. And that is praise you can afford to give to yourself. Adulting is hard. And no one is going to pat you on the back if you don't do it yourself.

As I grow older, I have really come to appreciate just being by myself. Those things that a younger me would have thought were unimportant... Going to bed early. Getting adequate exercise. Cleaning my room. Spending a day decluttering and re-organizing. Sitting there reflecting the day, meditating and goal setting. These are all part of self care. And anything under self care? Should be under a category of routine things that are mandatory everyday. Nothing else should come first.

Adulting is being excited to do the laundry that I keep putting off.

At the age of 26.

Lisa. Who's that again?

I remember when "about me" tags were mega popular on YouTube back in the day. (I'm old enough to say "back in the day" now, yikes) Okay, but that's not what these are. These are some questions I pulled from different places that I would genuinely be curious as to how I might answer again a year from today. Thanks, M for your contribution to these!

This is just gonna be a tad bit long, btw:

Am I happy? Yes, and that was a long time coming. 

Am I grateful? So, so grateful. I am overall healthy, and have the best set of friends and family I could have asked for. My basic needs are met, and my two feet can carry me anywhere I want to go. For these, I am really grateful. 

Do I have a healthy perspective? This is pretty hard to gauge, but I would say so. I am learning to to reflect on my days, my decisions, my head space and physical health. Balance, balance, balance. 

Am I taking anything for granted? I admit to taking my health for granted a lot of the time. I also want to believe I don't, but I do take my parents for granted. They're not perfect, but I love them. I cherish all of the time I have with them. 

Is there anything I need to change? I could and should sleep more, eat a more balanced diet and commit to fewer things in a day, in a week, so I burn out less often. 

Am I taking care of myself physically and mentally? I am heading to the gym as frequently as I can, sleeping as often as I can and taking more me time than I ever have. Yes, I am even starting to hit my daily water intake goals. Onward. 

Am I using my time wisely? I am actually currently procrastinating as I write the answer to this question, I should really be getting ready for a birthday pub crawl tonight. But usually I am productive. I write a list. I get it done. Or I change the list (because, balance!). 

Do I like my job? My job is a step up from where I was about six months ago. But I can't say that it brings me joy to wake up and be there, nor am I motivated to stay longer than I have to. That being said, the work environment is good. My coworkers are great. The location is wonderful. I am a short walk from my night classes and from meeting my friends for lunch. The commute, albeit shorter... can be challenging some days. Yes and no. 

How meaningful is my work? It varies drastically from one case to another, but I think generally I am not very passionate about it. I am a paralegal and being in the legal field to me means working to represent those who have experienced an injustice or a wrong: see the definition of Tort. I disagree that every single case that we handle right now falls under this definition. 

How can I get better at what I do? Like anything, I need to take on more challenging work to become better at what I do. I am currently evaluating whether or not I will find that here at my current position. 

Do I spend enough time on my education? I am enrolled in six courses this term. I devote a number of hours per day to these courses on top of my full time job... YES. Maybe too much. 

Where is my career going? I am at that place, that place between a rock and a hard place. There are two routes for me career wise right now. I am weighing the pros and cons of continuing to pursue my legal career at a higher level, or to continue riding it out as a paralegal. I hope to come to a decision by the end of this year. 

What can I do that I'm currently not doing? I devote a lot of energy to ensuring that I spend my minutes doing all that I can do in those minutes so that I'm not wondering later what I could be doing. Instead, I'm sitting here thinking "wow, I did all that today." 

What is my first priority right now? My first priority is to tackle the debt I have accrued in the past two, three years. On top of saving money, my second priority is to make more money... Which is tied to my third priority: to finish my current program. Seems like I have a plan. I also really want to continue traveling, seeing the world and living my life. 

What tasks am I procrastinating? Laundry. 

What are some things I should stop doing? Being so hard on myself when I don't accomplish all the things I've laid out for myself to do in a day. Come on, Lisa. You only have 24 hours in a day, and half of it should be spent sleeping or eating. I spend an unfortunate amount of time beating myself up for things often out of my control, and often because they were unrealistic in the first place. I also need to stop caring about what other people think. 

What new things am I learning? Besides being in school and learning constantly throughout the year, I would say that snowboarding is still new to me. I have also picked up the saxophone this year. And boy. Do I need more practice on both those things!

What are some things I accomplished last year? I started snowboarding and bought a snowboard. I went snowshoeing for the first time in over ten years, and then went again. I started a bullet journal. I started working downtown. I bought a manual car for $500. I arranged a family hike up Eagle Bluffs, our first family activity in years. I took the family bowling, even though I hate bowling. I experienced my first massage and spent collectively 30 days out of town. I climbed Mount Outram, making it the new highest peak I've climbed (previously, Black Tusk). 

What are some things I would like to accomplish this year? Graduate. Pay off about 50% of my outstanding debt. Grow my Instagram (@lisaaelle). Get laser eye surgery. Fit in one short solo trip, if my budget allows. Play a full song on the saxophone. Lose 20 lbs, in a healthy way. Sleep more. Pick up that camera and take some photos. 

What are some things I would like to accomplish next year? Graduate, if I don't graduate in December. Pay off the other half of my debt. Take my parents to Asia. Make another career leap, whether that is a job change, or taking the LSAT and pursuing further education. (Back burner goals: Vietnamese lessons and dance lessons). 

Hello March. Hello 2019.

It's been a minute since I sat down to write.

I have always believed in the importance of taking the time to "brain dump" or empty your mind, whether that is through writing or meditating or anything else that helps to sort out your thoughts. Running through the motions in life, it's easy to become fixated on the little or unimportant things. I am hoping this will become the project of self reflection that I have neglected in the past few years of my life.